Loosing me...

It always amazes to see the amount of effort and money companies spend in order to acquire new customers. However, these very same companies seem to go out of their way to chase away their existing customers.

I used to be a very loyal customer of one particular airline, let’s call in Horse Air. I always loved the fact that their services were among the best and the food they served had the world talking.

I would book Horse Air to wherever I travelled, even when connections were bad. My loyalty saw me rise up the racks of its frequent flyer programme and I quickly rose to “gold” status. Among the privileges I received included free travel, more luggage, use of its premium lounge and priority boarding whatever class I choose to travel.

After getting my “gold” card, I seemed to enjoy most of its privileges accept for priority boarding. It seemed to me that I was never invited to board the aircraft first. I did not really mind this too much. What I really enjoyed were the “free flights” I could redeem with my frequent flyer miles.

I used to enjoy return flights to my favourite destination for only the price of airport tax. Later however, I was also asked to pay a fuel surcharge. Well, I was not happy but I continued to give them my support. Then all of a sudden, the inflight meals took a turn for the worse, the food served was so little and the taste too had deteriorated to an extend that I would often say to meals on board.

Then came the final straw. The fuel surcharge was increased so much that my so called “free” tickets started to cost more than those sold as “normal” by low cost carriers. What really got to me was the fact that the airline was selling tickets to the public at “0” fare or such low fares that a loyal customer like me, was paying almost the same amount as a person who used their service maybe once in two years!

I saw no point in continuing my loyalty. I started using the services of the low cost carrier and other rival airlines. To my astonishment, I found that these other airlines had in fact, better aircraft, better fares, better food and even used better airports.

So, there you go, that’s how Horse Air lost me…

Sex Without Love

Have you ever wondered if it was natural for human beings to remain sexually monogamous when most other mammals in the animal kingdom constantly practice polygamy. So, why are human beings in general expected to practice monogamy?

There are generally two camps, one that believes in monogamy and the other that does not! Christianity for one preaches monogamy, and that is sometimes the main reason some people practice it. But having said that, I believe that sex without love is merely mating with genitals, but sex with loving intimacy is mating with the soul. As human beings, our sex drives are controlled by more than just hormonal cycling and the phases of the moon. The human sexual response is a very complex, multi-factorial phenomenon that we still don't fully understand.

Sex without love is ok if you're into being in a meaningless affair, also if you like cheap flings and emotionally detached self belittling moments of absolute debauchery. I know of people so addicted to sex that they do so much they don’t enjoy it on its own anymore. They need help from all kinds of chemicals, drugs that numb them into blind submission in order to "enjoy" having sex. I personally would never ever want to be trapped in this kind of a rut.

Sex in a loving relationship is much more fulfilling and satisfying. It is something that can be cherished rather than that low point in life when you indulged in a useless desire of the flesh. Some may call love out dated and out of style but, people in love are way more happy and content. I know I always am.

The Emotional Bank Account

I was speaking to a friend recently and I recalled a principal I learnt from 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen R. Covey.

We all know what a financial bank account is. We make deposits into it and build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to. An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that's been built up in a relationship. It's the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.

If I make deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it. My communication may not be clear, but you'll get my meaning anyway. You won't make me an offender for a word.' When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.

But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, threatening you, or playing little tin god in your life, eventually my Emotional Bank Account is overdrawn. The trust level gets very low. Then what flexibility do I have?

None. I'm walking on mine fields. I have to be very careful of everything I say. I measure every word. It's tension city, memo haven. It's protecting my backside, politicking. And many organizations are filled with it.

If a large reserve of trust is not sustained by continuing deposits, a friendship will deteriorate. Instead of rich, spontaneous understanding and communication, the situation becomes one of accommodation, where two people simply attempt to live independent life-styles in a fairly respectful and tolerant way. The relationship may further deteriorate to one of hostility and defensiveness.

The 'fight or flight' response creates verbal battles, slammed doors, refusal to talk, emotional withdrawal and self-pity. It may end up in a cold war at home, sustained only by sex, social pressure, or image protection. Or it may end up in open warfare where bitter ego decimating legal battles can be carried on for years as people endlessly confess the sins of a former friend.

And this is in the most intimate, the most potentially rich, joyful, satisfying and productive relationship possible between two people on this earth.

Our most constant relationships, like friendship, require our most constant deposits. With continuing expectations, old deposits evaporate. If you suddenly run into an old high school friend you haven't seen for years, you can pick up right where you left off because the earlier deposits are still there. But your accounts with the people you interact with on a regular basis require more constant investment. There are sometimes automatic withdrawals in your daily interactions or in their perception of you that you don't even know about.

What would happen if you started making deposits into the relationship? Maybe the opportunity comes up to do him a little kindness - to bring home a magazine he likes from your overseas trip, if that's his interest, or just to walk up to him when he's working on a project and offer to help. Perhaps you could invite him to go to a movie with you or take him out for some ice cream.

Probably the most important deposit you could make would be just to listen, without judging or preaching or reading your own autobiography into what he says. Just listen and seek to understand. Let him feel your concern for him, your acceptance of him as a person. He may not respond at first. He may even be suspicious, but as those genuine deposits keep coming, they begin to add up. That overdrawn balance is shrinking.

Remember that quick fix is a mirage. Building and repairing relationships takes time. If you become impatient with his apparent lack of response or his seeming ingratitude, you may make huge withdrawals and undo all the good you've done.

It's hard not to get impatient. It takes character to be proactive, to focus on your Circle of Influence, to nurture growing things, and not to 'pull up the flowers to see how the roots are coming.' But there really is no quick fix. Building and repairing relationships are long-term investments.

I have tried to make this my philosophy in life. So far, I must say that Mr. Covey’s teaching has held true.

Way Back Into Reality

All my life, I’ve been very much against medication. I’m the kind of person who would not even touch a Panadol simply for a headache or mild fever. I’ve always believed in using my mind to control my illnesses, stress and pain. I believe the mind is more powerful than any drug.

I’m also afraid of addiction. I never ever want to be dependent on anything. I remember many years ago when I first discovered the joys of drinking coffee. There was a time when I needed at least six cups a day to stay alert. Then one fine day, the coffee machine broke down. I was in withdrawal the whole day. I could not concentrate on anything. The realisation that I was sort of addicted to coffee frightened me so much that I gave it up cold turkey almost immediately. Today, I still enjoy a cup or two but I am purely a social drinker these days, having on average two cups a week.

I grew up knowing family members with an alcoholic problem. As such, I grew up determined to never ever have to walk in the same footsteps. When I worked as a sales representative for Thai Airways, my boss once told me that to succeed in sales, I would have to master booze, women and golf! So, I started drinking! There was a period that I simply HAD to have a couple of drinks every day after work. Knowing that I was going down that dreaded path again, I stopped cold turkey!

The bottom line is that I strongly believe that we are masters of our own destiny and our own happiness. Today, I dare say that I’m a very happy person simply by wanting to be happy! I enjoy my own company and the company of almost anyone around me. You see, the mind is the world’s most powerful machine, with it, we can control anything. Happiness lies in our own hands, not in a bottle, pill or powder.

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I just got off the phone with a dear friend who worked at a rival TV station during my days as a newscaster. He was telling me about an episode more than 10 years ago when the girl he was madly in love with suddenly ignore him and stopped answering his calls. Well, in a sense they broke up and he was devastated. I remembered it vividly! How could I forget? He was a devastated and all of our friends knew something big had taken place in his life.

Well, the funny thing is, he recently got an email on one of these social networking sites from this very girl! At first he could not remember her. She told him about how he would try to impress her with video tapes of his TV shows and the like… But no matter how much he tried he could not seem to remember. Then suddenly, he did!! It was the girl who had ignored him over ten years ago!! He told me that it was almost as if time had stood still. All the emotions of the past came flooding back! The fact was he had never stopped loving her. He simply removed her from his thoughts and buried it deep inside his mind where it could not hurt him. He wanted to start something again, but she had just started seeing someone else. Now my dear friend is once again devastated.

Why do people get so emotional? Why do we have this strange need to attach ourselves to people? Why can’t we all simply love each other unconditionally? I really don’t know. I guess selfishness and greed to wanting someone all to ourselves is simply an in born character implanted into us at birth.

L O V E

What is love?

Is it simply a feeling? Does anyone really know? In John 15:12-13 Jesus says, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

But do we really know the true meaning of love? When you first meet someone, and you begin to get to know them, your feelings at that point in time may not be love. It may simply be infatuation.

Infatuation is instant desire, one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you, to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing them." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship, which makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When they're away, you wonder if they're cheating. Sometimes, you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. They feel your trust, and it makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction. Love is an upper. It makes you feel whole. It completes the circle. It fills the empty space in your heart. Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don't have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning.

The secret of our being is not only to live but to have something to live for.

Snow In Berlin

The fact that I travel around the world so much, you’d probably expect that I had experienced snow a long time ago. But the truth of the matter is that I only experienced it in March this year! And boy! What an experience that turned out to be.

I was very happy that I got to share the experience with one of my best friends, Stephanie. We were both very excited about it. But we both came to the conclusion that snow is great when it is a short and temporary thing. However, the after effects are not always so beautiful. The snow gets dirty very fast. It is very slippery and many people slip and fall.

But I guess nothing is perfect in life. We have to take the good and the bad, the ying and the yang. This is what makes life so perfect!

My English Rose

"I Still Call Australia Home" is a song written and performed by Peter Allen in 1980. In it, Allen sings of the expatriate's longing for home.

"I've been to cities that never close down, from New York to Rome and old London town, but no matter how far or how wide I roam, I still call Australia home."

I’ve been travelling a lot ever since I started working in hospitality sales & marketing. Last year was an incredible year of travel. I went to so many places, that I’d wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I was.

The best thing about my travels is meeting new people. This photo was taken at the World Travel Market in London a few months ago. The beautiful lady besides me works for my resort’s UK representative. Her name is Sue Power. In the few days that I was there, I got to know her very well. So much so that I consider her a friend. I think of her as my English Rose!

I’ve met many wonderful people all over the world, and while Malaysia is what I consider HOME, I’m increasingly getting the feeling that I am becoming a citizen of the world.

Indeed, there are many cities I truly like and love, London, New York, Sydney and Taipei. But in the end, Kuala Lumpur is still the city I call home.

Masks

Masks! I was invited to a fantastic masquerade ball in London late last year. I had a great time! What I enjoyed most was the illusive feeling of not being recognised. Today, I was just thinking about how much we choose to reveal to each other. Are we happy to be totally exposed, or are we in one way or other, hiding behind masks.

I can safely say that no one person truly knows me one hundred percent. The one thing I guard so dearly is my privacy. I only want people to know what I want them to know. I want to be in total control of the information put out there. I many ways, I am a lot like our own media and the media in many of the so called “no freedom of the press” countries.

I am therefore so blown away by people who do not wear masks at all, the same way I am blown away in countries that practice true freedom of the press. But the question still remains. Why do I have to wear a mask?

On very close introspection these last couple of days, I think I have found the answer. To sum it up, I long for acceptance. Today, you see me as a person who’s so comfortable with himself. So secure and content, and most importantly not needing reassurance from anyone!

But the sad truth is, I was not like this in the past. As I went through adolescence, I began to discover so much about myself that simply did not conform to the standards set all around me. My true being was not in sync with my family, religion or country. This used to be the time when I get down on my knees and prayed that I would be more like those “perfect” human beings all around me.

As such, I embarked on a plan to start changing everything about myself that I felt “was not right”. I changed the way I walked, talked even my laugh went through a change. I even consulted doctors and underwent all kinds of procedures to make myself more “acceptable”.

Today, I am still so far from perfect, and I therefore still wear all kinds of different masks to make myself more marketable and acceptable. My masks have worked very well so far. But sometimes, I just wish I could meet someone whom I feel so comfortable with that I can leave my masks behind. What I’m afraid of id the fact that my masks have now fused with my skin and are no longer removable! But I really do not know if this is the case!

My Dad and I

I sometimes wonder about relationships… I’ve had many good ones and a few not so good ones. But these days I’m beginning to think a lot about my relationships with the people who matter most of all; my family.

Friends come and friends may go. Friendship is something that is chosen, but when it comes to family, you really have no choice. You have to love one another whether you like it or not.

Today, I’m going to start with my daddy!

I often try to recall my first memories of him, but I’m not too sure. He was always “going into the jungle” for what seemed like weeks on end. He used to be a land surveyor and worked for the Sabah Land Development Board (SLDB). As such, we were normally stuck in some remote town or village and only had mum for company.

He took us all over Sabah! Pamol, Tawau, Sandakan… I also remember a stint in Miri. But this mostly ended when we started school. Tawau and finally Kota Kinabalu were the cities we stayed in most.

In Tawau, he spent more time with my sisters and I, teaching me things from public speaking and math to setting up a cocoa plantation and to do sales and marketing. I always tried very hard to make him proud though he never seemed to be.

Song for my dad…
I've never been

The one to raise my hand

That was not me

And now that's who I am

Because of youI am standing tall

My heart is full

Of endless gratitude

You were the one

The one to guide me through

Now I can see

And I believe

It's only just beginning

[Chorus:]

This is what we dream about

But the only question with me now

Is do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been now

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

I guess I've learned

To question is to grow,

That you still have faith,

Is all I need to know,

I've learned to love,

My selfish part of me,

And I've learned to

Walk on the road I believe.

Everybody needs to rise up

Everybody needs to be loved

To be loved

Everybody need to rise on

Everybody needs to be loved,

to be loved

This is what we dream about

But the only question with me now Is do I make you, do I make you proud

This is what we dream about

Never been afraid of standing out

Do I make you proud

Stronger than I've ever been

Never been afraid of standing out Do I make you proud

Do I make you proud

If there is one thing I can safely say I know about my dad is the fact that he has always loved me very much. Even when my mother revealed deep dark secrets about me, it still did not seem to change the way he feels about me. I guess I’m very lucky to have him as my dad!

My Destiny!

Can you tell my race from this photo? Am I Malay, Thai or ...? This is the question people always ask me. They are always puzzled when they notice my name; Brendan Wong. Chinese? No, he can’t be. But then again, the minute I start to speak to them in Mandarin, everything is laid to rest.

Mandarin! If there is one thing that I am grateful to my parents for, it would be the fact that they insisted I go to a Chinese school.

Oh! I did not always feel this way! I grew up in an English speaking home. At the age of seven, I was sent to Primary One in a Chinese school. Tawau’s Sin Hwa Primary. Imagine the horror of being thrown into an environment that was totally alien to me.

I would beg my mum to send me to a national school but she insisted that it was for my own good. I really did not see it that way then. I was an idealistic Malaysian who thought that my destiny lay in this country (tanah tumpah darahku). I naively thought that I was a total citizen and that I only needed to know Malay, and maybe a little English to communicate with those who did not know "my" language. This was way before China had been accepted into the global community and way before communal politics of the Peninsular infiltrated ours. I stupidly thought we were all equal!

Fast forward to this day, the leaders of my country have forced me to accept the fact that I am a Chinese who is a "citizen" of Malaysia and I have to accept “ketuanan” (the mastery) of another race. (I shall not go into this here). I am however so glad I got the basics to accept my destiny of being a global Chinese.

I had six years of Chinese instruction before happily immersing myself into the national secondary school curriculum. If I could turn back time, I would have continued my secondary education in Chinese as well. I’m today re-learning the language of my ancestors. And I am determined to master it. For I am after all, an Overseas Chinese who happens to be Malaysian right now. This is my destiny!

I'm Back!

Boy! I had no idea so much time has passed since my last blog entry! I had all but forgotten that it existed until a friend of mine reminded me of it. So, yes, here I am again.

Today, I was listening to some very old songs and very new ones. Madonna and Mariah Carey have both released new albums. The fact is, I grew up listening to them. They along with Kylie, Debbie, Tiffany and Whitney provided the soundtrack to my life.

Today, I listened to Whitney’s Greatest Hits! You know what? No one else has such an excellent voice as the Whitney of the eighties. Yup! Not even the Whitney of today. It’s sad to see how drugs and booze robbed her of those irreplaceable vocal cords.

I was listening to “the greatest love of all” and it brought back memories of my own short lived singing “career”! Can’t believe I was able to sing! Well, that’s one dream I think I have sort of given up on. I don’t think I am ever going to be an accomplished recording artist now.

It’s funny how our goals and aspirations change with time! Apart from producing an album, I have achieved every other goal an ambition of mine. Now, I only need to put up new goals.
My motto now is simply “to achieve total happiness in everything I do”. To a large extent, I’m living my dream. I now want to change my motto “to make those around me happy”! Difficult! But hey, who’s going to stop me trying?