Masks! I was invited to a fantastic masquerade ball in London late last year. I had a great time! What I enjoyed most was the illusive feeling of not being recognised. Today, I was just thinking about how much we choose to reveal to each other. Are we happy to be totally exposed, or are we in one way or other, hiding behind masks.
I can safely say that no one person truly knows me one hundred percent. The one thing I guard so dearly is my privacy. I only want people to know what I want them to know. I want to be in total control of the information put out there. I many ways, I am a lot like our own media and the media in many of the so called “no freedom of the press” countries.
I am therefore so blown away by people who do not wear masks at all, the same way I am blown away in countries that practice true freedom of the press. But the question still remains. Why do I have to wear a mask?
On very close introspection these last couple of days, I think I have found the answer. To sum it up, I long for acceptance. Today, you see me as a person who’s so comfortable with himself. So secure and content, and most importantly not needing reassurance from anyone!
But the sad truth is, I was not like this in the past. As I went through adolescence, I began to discover so much about myself that simply did not conform to the standards set all around me. My true being was not in sync with my family, religion or country. This used to be the time when I get down on my knees and prayed that I would be more like those “perfect” human beings all around me.
As such, I embarked on a plan to start changing everything about myself that I felt “was not right”. I changed the way I walked, talked even my laugh went through a change. I even consulted doctors and underwent all kinds of procedures to make myself more “acceptable”.
Today, I am still so far from perfect, and I therefore still wear all kinds of different masks to make myself more marketable and acceptable. My masks have worked very well so far. But sometimes, I just wish I could meet someone whom I feel so comfortable with that I can leave my masks behind. What I’m afraid of id the fact that my masks have now fused with my skin and are no longer removable! But I really do not know if this is the case!
I can safely say that no one person truly knows me one hundred percent. The one thing I guard so dearly is my privacy. I only want people to know what I want them to know. I want to be in total control of the information put out there. I many ways, I am a lot like our own media and the media in many of the so called “no freedom of the press” countries.
I am therefore so blown away by people who do not wear masks at all, the same way I am blown away in countries that practice true freedom of the press. But the question still remains. Why do I have to wear a mask?
On very close introspection these last couple of days, I think I have found the answer. To sum it up, I long for acceptance. Today, you see me as a person who’s so comfortable with himself. So secure and content, and most importantly not needing reassurance from anyone!
But the sad truth is, I was not like this in the past. As I went through adolescence, I began to discover so much about myself that simply did not conform to the standards set all around me. My true being was not in sync with my family, religion or country. This used to be the time when I get down on my knees and prayed that I would be more like those “perfect” human beings all around me.
As such, I embarked on a plan to start changing everything about myself that I felt “was not right”. I changed the way I walked, talked even my laugh went through a change. I even consulted doctors and underwent all kinds of procedures to make myself more “acceptable”.
Today, I am still so far from perfect, and I therefore still wear all kinds of different masks to make myself more marketable and acceptable. My masks have worked very well so far. But sometimes, I just wish I could meet someone whom I feel so comfortable with that I can leave my masks behind. What I’m afraid of id the fact that my masks have now fused with my skin and are no longer removable! But I really do not know if this is the case!
1 comment:
Look on the bright side, you had master a skill to market yourself to be more approchble to peoples. Some people out there are learning to do that. There is nothing wrong with it, as long you're truthful to the peoples you melt. even you're wearing a mask but with a good heart and personality I think it'll shine through the mask that fused to your skin.......... =)
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